Tags: change | divorce | emotional support

One of the most potentially painful of all transitions is marital separation or divorce. Relationships can be complicated at times, and when two individuals decide it is best to go forward in different directions, this can create emotional, financial and physical hardship. There are many elements to this type of separation, and every situation is unique. However, certain factors are common in divorce cases.

• Is this an amicable or hostile separation? This question is important because it will set the tone for how the matter is handled and ultimately resolved. It is common for one or both parties in a separation to exhibit some level of hostility. In rare cases, divorce is completely amicable. Nevertheless, containing your emotions during this event is critical because it will allow you to rationally go through the process without making emotionally based decisions.
• Finding the right team – attorney, financial planner, counselor.  The process of legal separation involves being educated or retaining the right expertise to successfully guide you through the process.  During such an event, many people don’t know whom to turn to, and, in many cases, attorneys and financial planners are found through personal or professional referrals.  If you are employed and your employer offers an employee assistance program (EAP), this might be a good starting point.  Many employers nowadays offer EAPs to assist employees in dealing with personal problems that might adversely affect their work performance.  EAPs have several benefits:  resources might be free to the employee, services are typically rendered by skilled and certified vendors, and privacy laws and corporate ethical standards yield confidentiality.
• Emotional support – perhaps the most important element in divorce proceedings is staying emotionally strong.  The process of legal separation and divorce can be time consuming, expensive and arduous.  Staying emotionally strong is extremely important, and for this reason, it is important to quickly find the right combination of support to get you through this transition.  It is common to call on family and intimate friends for primary assistance, but professional counseling should always be kept in mind.  There are many resources for securing this type of assistance, such as Employee Assistance Programs, health care providers and personal referrals.
• Negotiation – what matters most to you?  Defining this as soon as possible in entering divorce proceedings and clearly communicating this to your legal team can be an asset in developing an effective negotiating strategy.  However, successful negotiators also know what to give up in return, so prepare yourself to define this as well.  Ideally, the best place to end up is where there is a ‘win-win’ scenario for all parties involved, and this will set the tone for post divorce interaction.  When there are no children involved, a divorce can be considered a final legal separation and the likelihood of interacting with your ex-spouse is minimal, at best.  However when both spouses are bound by children, post-divorce interaction will occur until the children are of legal age and able to make decisions on their own.  In such cases, the final outcome of the negotiating process is of paramount importance – so do try to think through the negotiation component of a divorce.